Be Thankful

Today is my two year birthday from transplant. It’s not my real birthday, but it is a day that I am constantly reminded of by doctors and nurses. And the two year baby shots that I have to receive is another big reminder, in one way, that I am only two years old. However old I am, one thing I do know for sure is I am very thankful for the two years I have had. My blood counts are normal and the highest levels since before leukemia. Without transplant, I would not have had these additional years. More time to spend with my beautiful bride, walk Jennifer down the aisle, see Brian graduate from the Air Force Academy, and more years to play with Zachary. I thank God for the healing I received through transplant. While thinking about this, I was reading in Luke 17 about Jesus healing ten men with leprosy. All ten men were healed and experienced an incredible transformation from leprosy to clean skin. But it is verses 15 and 16 that grabbed my attention: One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan. Jesus goes on in verses 17-19: Jesus asked, “Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? Has no one returned to give praise to God except this foreigner?”  Then he said to him, “Rise and go; your faith has made you well.” This story has always amazed me, and even more now that I experienced my own healing. I always wondered what happened to the other nine. Did they just carry on with life not spending another moment thinking about what happened to them? Did they tell anyone else what had happened to them and give the glory to God? I would not want to be those nine guys who stood in front of Jesus at the gates of Heaven. I can maybe imagine what that conversation was like. I want to be like the one who returned. The one who fell at Jesus’ feet and gave thanks. He was the one who was really restored. The one who fully experienced all that Jesus had to offer. In addition to healing, this man experienced salvation. Jesus says “your faith has made you well.” In other translations it really means “your faith has saved you.” This man experienced healing and salvation. How much better can it get? I never want to take for granted what Jesus has done for me. I want to be the one …the one who is thankful.

Amazed by His Love,

Terence

Pursuing

I have been thinking about the concept of pursuing.  Women love to be pursed, to feel like they are worthy of being pursed.  A young man will often think about creative ways to pursue nonstop while courting, but often times after he has made his conquest that will stop and he will go onto the next goal.  I was thinking about our relationship with God and how similar it can be.  I remember how mundane my time with God had gotten; it was so much more alluring reading fun books, spending time on the computer, or watching entertaining programs than to spend time getting to know Him (not that any of these things are bad sometimes). Then when my husband, Terence, relapsed with Leukemia in February 2011, I decided I was going to lean into God and not give up.  It was a commitment I did not take lightly.  I decided to give up some of those “time wasters” for God.  I realized that I had to go after God even though it wasn’t easy.  See I always thought if God wanted me to get to know Him better He would make it easy and convenient.  I would wake up at 5 am and jump out of bed wide awake ready to spend time with him.  I assumed God would just start talking to me in a loud voice, so that I would always know the right decisions to make and that I would only say the right things all of the time.  I came to realize that God wants us to know Him as much as He wants to know us.  He gave His only Son to die for us (John 3:16).  I am realizing He must love me more than I can ever imagine to have given His Son to die for me; a person that just doesn’t get it and keeps making mistakes.  I have to keep reading God’s word, the Bible, even when I don’t think I am getting anything out of it. I have found that sometimes I need to read the Bible aloud or read the same verses over and over.  It is my way of training myself to not give up on wanting to learn from God’s word, just like an athlete doesn’t quit training even when it is hard.  I am still so far from where I want to be with God, but it seems like when I am not pursuing Him I am headed further away from him, just like in any relationship we have. I want God to know that He is important to me even though I still have a tough time knowing how to take the wonderful times I have with God and put them into my everyday life. I am not going to give up again; I am making a commitment to never quit pursuing.

Debbie

Can You Really be Transformed

For some reason I have been thinking a lot about this one question as a believer in Jesus Christ. That question is “can you really be transformed?” Isn’t that a silly question? Of course the answer is a resounding YES. But if we are really honest, it is easy to have some doubt around real transformation. We can even hear ourselves saying things like: “This part of my life can be transformed, but I am not so sure about that part.”  Or, “I’ve tried a dozen times to work this part out of my life but it just never sticks.” We can even get to the point of “learned helplessness” where we start thinking it is not even worth trying…we have been down this road before and it is the same outcome over and over again. Failure. Why try? We believe in what Jesus did on the cross and we also believe he is coming back again. We know that he has saved us from our sins and he has enormous grace for us as we continue to stumble. But we just can’t get fully to the point of real transformation in some parts of our life. So even though the obvious answer to “can you really be transformed?” is yes, the life reality is that we have some doubt. Not always and not everyone, but this happens more than we would like to think as believers. There is something here that bothers me about this issue of real transformation. A few scriptures will set this up.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will (Romans 12:2, NIV).

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! (2 Corinthians 5:17, NIV).

These scriptures talk about real transformation. It is supposed to be real, nothing holding it back. After struggling with this for several weeks, God seemed to whisper an answer to me that took me back to my own bone marrow transplant. I started looking at the biology of what happens in bone marrow transplant. Essentially the recipient’s bone marrow is wiped out and the donor’s bone marrow (in most cases stem cells) becomes the new system. There is even a DNA change. In my case, I had a female donor (my sister). Normally, a detailed blood test for a male will come back 46 XY. That means 23 pairs of chromosomes with the gender chromosome as an XY (male). What is my DNA chromosome structure now in my blood? It is now 46 XX. 23 pairs of chromosomes with the gender chromosome now an XX (female). It’s just in the blood, so everything is ok (smile).  I really have been transformed physically, right down to the DNA chromosome structure. Everything is new. There is not one part of my blood that has not been transformed. What an amazing miracle that happens in the physical core of how our bodies are made. And here is the complete whisper God gave me on this thought. “Don’t you think if I can design your body in such a way and give medical science the ability to do this miraculous transformation of the physical blood that I can figure out a way to do the same transformation in the spiritual realm?” Wow, what a thought. I certainly have no doubt about the physical transformation that happened to me in April 2011. Given that we serve the creator of the universe and all that happened through Jesus, why do we have any doubt that real spiritual transformation can occur? Well, we shouldn’t have any doubt. We just need to receive it, believe that it is done, and live a life that is holy and pleasing to God (Romans 12:1). Real transformation is REALLY possible.

Amazed by His Love,

Terence

No More Folders

I was looking through my filing cabinet the other day and noticed something incredible. When I was first diagnosed with leukemia in Feb 2010, I created a folder called “AML 2010” for all the medical bills and insurance statements that year. AML is for Acute Myeloid Leukemia – the technical name for what I had. That folder is about 2 inches thick and is maxed with all kinds of papers. When I relapsed in 2011, I had to start a new folder. Of course it was called “AML 2011.” It too is about 2 inches thick and can’t hold any more. When I looked down at that place in the filing cabinet, this thought came to me: “Wow, I don’t have an AML 2012 folder!”  A full year without any sign of leukemia. A full year without spending one night in a hospital. Just like that, my AML folder creating task is done.  It’s behind me. Some may say that there is a chance it could come back, and that is true. It’s actually true for all of us that some strange disease could sneak its way into our bodies. And we have very little control over that. But the truth that came out of this discovery is putting the past behind us and pressing on to the new life that has been given us. I love how The Message version reminds me of this in Philippians 3:12-14 –

 I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.

I’m looking forward to 2013 and not looking back. No more folders! And more space in my filing cabinet.

Amazed by His Love,

 

Terence

Becoming Like Little Children

And he said: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18: 3-4)

Debbie and I were talking about this verse the other night and I asked myself, I wonder what Jesus saw in little children that relates so closely to the kingdom of heaven? What are the characteristics of little children that we should model? After thinking about it for a few minutes, I started listing off characteristics of little children that I admire. Here they are:

 

They wake up every morning with a smile and forget about all the burdens of yesterday

They come back for more love, even when they have been disciplined
They run into your lap when you have been gone for any length of time
They will sit on your lap and let you read for hours to them
They see enjoyment in the simplest of things
They go to bed with peace
They wake up with peace
They receive gifts with the most amazing smile and even a gasp
They go on, even when the world is not fair to them
They trust without questioning

These are just a few of the characteristics I thought of; I’m sure there are many more. There are so many lessons we can learn from little children in relation to our Heavenly Father. Is this what Jesus saw in little children when he asked us to become like them? He thought it so important that He said we would not see the kingdom of heaven unless we became like little children. Don’t we let the world so consume us that there is no “childlike” left in us anymore? We are letting this world steal it away. I think we would fully experience God’s love for us if we really focused on these childlike characteristics. We would wake up every morning with a smile and we would enjoy every day in the quietness of just being with Jesus.

 

Amazed by His Love,

 

Terence

Praying into the Arms of Jesus

I found out this week that a dear friend lost her battle with cancer and went to be with Jesus. Jamie went through transplant with me in April 2011 at the University of Colorado Hospital. She had a very tough journey and spent months in the hospital that year and frequent trips back to the hospital for blood transfusions. The amazing thing about Jamie is I never saw her complain. Even in the hospital on Easter Sunday last year when she was not feeling great, Jamie made candy bags and passed them out to all of us on the 11^th floor who were going through transplant. That was just like Jamie; always giving and making other people feel more important. I heard she did this even during her last weeks of life – passing out flowers to girls at the mall and telling them they were beautiful. Through a friend, I understand her last hours were spent in quiet prayer until she took her last breath; until she slipped into the arms of Jesus. When I heard that, I also thought, “that is so like Jamie.” Jamie worshiped and served our Lord with great passion. I was thinking about how she spent her last hours and this thought hit me: “she prayed herself into the arms of Jesus.” Isn’t that amazing? As she spent her last few hours in quiet prayer, she awoke in the arms of Jesus…in Heaven. It can’t get any better than that. Then I thought, isn’t that what happens when we pray? We end up in the arms of Jesus when we pray. Jamie received the ultimate reward of slipping from this side of praying to Jesus to the world of really being with Jesus. I just can’t imagine what that was like for Jamie. It must have been beautiful, just like the life Jamie led; a beautiful life. This experience also reminded me of a very old hymn titled “Safe in the Arms of Jesus” by Fanny Crosby. The chorus is:

Safe in the arms of Jesus;

Safe on His gentle breast;

There by his love over shaded;

Sweetly my soul shall rest.

Jamie will be greatly missed by her family and so many friends. But I’ll never forget the candy gift she gave me on Easter and I’ll never forget the gift she gave me in how to pray into the arms of Jesus.

Amazed by His Love,

Terence

Be Jesus to Someone Today

We recently came across a blog site of a woman who died from Stage IV terminal cancer last year. Her last post before she went to be with Jesus in Heaven really meant a lot to me. Knowing that she was near the end, she wrote: You may also pray for my healing, but I have to be honest - I am more mentally and emotionally invested in seeing Jesus right now than I am in being healed. If God chooses to heal me, He'll give me the grace to wait a little longer to meet Him "whom having not seen, [I] love.” (1 Peter 1:8). This was just an amazing perspective for me. In everything she was writing those last days, it was all about seeing Jesus. Although she knew Jesus could heal at any moment, she wasn’t wasting her time so focused on that that she missed everything else. She was preparing to meet Jesus and Jesus was preparing her for a new beginning. Isn’t that the perspective we all should have, even without a terminal disease to motivate us to have that perspective? This perspective of “seeing Jesus” also made me think of a song from long ago that was titled, “Be Jesus to Someone Today.”  I can’t remember the words, but the idea is that for some people, I may be the only “Jesus” they see. What if we lived our lives in such a way that people could experience just a little bit of Jesus so that they would be ready to see all of Him when faced with an end of life experience like this young woman?  I am so far from that. I want to have the perspective of preparing to meet Jesus every day and while I am busy at that (and all of what life has) to be able to show a little of Jesus to someone today.

Amazed by His Love,

Terence