Hearing Their Story

Isn’t it easy to write some people off? Really, some people come across with a different attitude, behavior, or perspective than you are used to. Or they are just not living up to your expectations. Sometimes it is easy to just ignore and let it pass. Other times it seems to consume you and you end up “labeling” that person. Why is that? Not sure you have been down this road, but I have and it bothered me. I actually had an implied labeling system of a 1 or a 0 that I was using when interacting with people. If they met my expectations, behaved the way I wanted them to behave, worked the way I wanted them to work, they were a “1” in my book. If they didn’t, then they were a “0” and I often moved on.

A colleague at work saw this in me and very graciously coached me to step back and examine my labeling system. Through this process, I came to realize that others have goals, dreams, wants, needs, and desires just like I have. They have a family history. They have a story on their life that causes them to be unique. Their story is very different than mine. The key point that came out of this is that others who are different than me don’t deserve to be labeled with a 0. Could it be that they are somewhere between a 0 and 1, and I am catching them at their low point? And who is a 1 anyway? We all have a broken part of our story that causes us to behave in ways that might be perceived as a shortcoming.

Then I started thinking about my role in finding someone between a 0 and a 1. Labeling them as 0 (or close to it) is not very helpful. And in fact, I may be totally missing what is going on—the deeper story.  I decided to take some time and dig deeper into someone’s story when I was tempted to label them as a 0. What I discovered is that hearing their story gave me such a better perspective on their own wants, needs, and desires. Hearing their story allowed me to see them in such a better way. And it allowed me to see how I could help them on the journey from 0 to 1. You see, we are all on this journey from being a 0 to a 1. Some of us may be further along than others, but that really isn’t the point. The point is how do we encourage one another in our journey and with our story?

The biblical insights to this reinforced what I needed to do. I was taken to Colossians 3: 12-14 that laid out the entire concept of hearing their story:

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

And Proverbs 25:11 really taught me the power of encouraging words. I love how The Message version puts it: The right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewelry.

Because of this, I no longer label people as 1s or 0s. I really try to hear their story and discover what they are aiming for and what is my role in helping them get there. We all need to hear each other’s stories.

Amazed by His Love,

Terence

Living to be Unoffendable

Unoffendable – that is an interesting word. Not even sure it is a real word. I looked up the root part of that word, offend, and it means “to irritate, annoy, or anger; cause to feel upset; cause resentful displeasure in.” I am guessing that we all have been offended many times in our life. Lately I have been wondering why it is often so easy for me to be offended. It can be with just about anyone: friends, my wife, children, co-workers. You can feel this level of irritation or frustration with them rising up in your mind. Even this aspect of frustration puzzled me. Why do I get so frustrated with certain issues or people? I came to define frustration as this: “frustration is when my expectations of someone are higher than reality.”  Isn’t that true? You have certain expectation of your boss, your spouse, children, or co-workers. When those expectations are not realized it is easy to get frustrated. And sometimes it can irritate and offend you. We let these feelings rise up and overwhelm us. And then we sometimes react in ways we are not proud of. It is an ugly cycle.

Debbie and I have been reading a lot of Gary Thomas, the author of Sacred Marriage and many other books. Gary wrote a blog on Valentine’s Day that gave me some insight on what is going on in this area of being offended and frustration (http://www.garythomas.com/divine-valentines/). This one line was the key to my understanding: “When my heart is filled with God’s love and acceptance, I’m set free to love instead of worrying about being loved.” Gary’s point is that worship sets us free. It meets our most basic needs. For marriage, he applied this point, “the less I receive from God, the more I demand from my spouse.” You could apply that same formula to every relationship in the family, at work, and at church. Another way to say it is, “the less I receive from God, the more likely that I am going to be offended or frustrated by someone.”

Another perspective on the idea that worship sets us free is John Piper’s statement that “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him.” It is Piper’s life philosophy, but it is based on 1 Corinthians 10:31, “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” How do we become satisfied with God? Through worship and really experiencing how much he loves us. I believe when we really get to the point of understanding how much God loves us, we are less bothered by issues and people around us. We are free to be givers more than demanders. And we also recognize we are all broken and need a savior, and thus the notion that reality of behavior from someone else is not going to equal our expectations. When we are worshiping God and experiencing his deep love for us, our focus is on him. When our focus is on him, the frustrations of this world don’t rise to the level of bothering us.

I haven’t arrived to this level, but I am engaged in the process of getting there. Yesterday was Ash Wednesday, the beginning of the season of Lent and preparation before Easter. Most people give up something to help them prepare their focus on what Jesus did for us. That is good. Even better is to receive something that helps us be less “offendable.” Only God can do that. And that can only be done by worshiping Him so we are set free to love instead of being offended.   

Amazed by His Love,

Terence

God's Love in Your Marrow

This Christmas season the message of love has been in nearly every sermon or candlelight service. God’s love. Maybe there is nothing new about that. You could say that every Christmas is about God’s love. In fact, it starts with the verse we have heard since we were children—For God so loved the world…(John 3:16). We know God loves “us” and sent his son to save the world. The part that I am focusing on this year is that God loves me. He knows me and his love is intimate. That is the love that I am thinking about this year. It is personal. Ephesians 3:17-19

... And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

This love is deep and intimate enough to reach me. It’s not just about God loving the world or us. It is really about God’s love in sending Jesus Christ to actually reach me. And to have me know how amazing it is. To experience it in my innermost self.

That last part made me think of my own experience with bone marrow and how it gives life or can take life away. Marrow is such an interesting word. We don’t often use that word unless we are talking about something medical. But the word marrow means this: The inmost, choicest, or essential part. Or in some dictionaries, the vital part, essence.

Marrow is the part that gives life. It is the core of who we are. So here is the revelation I had this week. Are we experiencing the love of Jesus in our marrow? Not just recognizing that “God so loved the world,” but seeing the truth that this love is personal. It is meant for us to experience in our inner core—the part that defines who we are. When we really experience the intimate love of Jesus in our core, it changes everything. It puts everything in perspective. We all have this need to experience a deep and personal love from our Savior. And there is no greater time to see this than on Christmas day. Look around. Experience the joy of giving to others we love and receive the gifts from others that love us. But most of all, experience the intimate and personal love of our Savior deep in your marrow. Pray that God would overwhelm you with this love. That is what gives life this Christmas season.

Amazed by His Love,

Terence

Trusting your Faith

I opened my Bible this morning to 1 Peter and there on the top of the page were some words I wrote years ago. It was these words: “Faith that has not been tested, cannot be trusted.” I don’t even remember the context for when I wrote those words down. But it must have made enough of an impact on me to write them above chapter 1 of 1 Peter. The context for these words is associated with verses 6 and 7:

In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. (1 Peter 1:6-7)

The timing of turning to this part of my Bible and seeing that statement I wrote down was so perfect. I had been thinking about the suffering that is in our world and how it relates to our faith. It can be so easy to be discouraged in our own suffering or by watching the suffering of others. It can often rock the core of your faith and what you believe in. But that is what these verses are saying to us—there is no greater way to prove the genuineness of our faith than to experience suffering and trials. Until then, can we really know and trust our faith?

So, what do we do? Do we pray for the testing of our faith? And by praying that, do we get ready for suffering and trials to come our way? Jesus told us to be prepared for trouble in this world and to not base our faith on whether things are good in our life. He said in John 16:33, I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. Suffering and trials are going to be in our lives, but our faith is in knowing that he has overcome the world. We know that he reigns in all of what is going on around us. And the amazing thing is that Christ does not call us to this standard of faith and suffering without setting an example for us. 1 Peter 2:21 says, to this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.

We don’t have to pray for suffering and trials to come our way. They are going to be there because it is the world we live in. But the best way to know if our faith can be trusted is to press through these times of testing and actually see that God has not left us alone. Saint Augustine said one of the most profound things on faith: Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe. Watch what happens the next time you are tested and look for the reward of your faith. Then you will know that your faith can be trusted.

Amazed by His Love,

Terence

Stay With It

Something incredible happened last week and right away it made me think of God’s faithfulness. One morning I woke up and was playing with my wedding band. It surprised me that it came off so easily. You see, since transplant I have had some form of swelling in my arms, legs, and fingers. I even had my ring sized up two different times. It is just a form of the graft vs. host disease (GVHD) that is often common from bone marrow transplant. My doctor always told me that it would eventually burn its way out. It could take months or years. “Just stick with it, he would say.” In my case it has been over two years. But when I saw my ring slip off so easily, I also noticed that all of my other swelling was literally gone. I could bend my legs to a fuller range, my fingers were not puffy, and my watch fit like it used to. Just like that, the effects of GVHD were gone. It was a long wait. I couldn’t will it to happen. I had to be patient. But I did trust my doctor’s word that it would eventually go away and I focused on that.

I wondered if the bible had anything to say about “staying with it” and the transformation we can count on if we are disciplined followers of Jesus Christ. James 1:12 was the first verse I came to. I love how The Good News version puts it.

Happy are those who remain faithful under trials, because when they succeed in passing such a test, they will receive as their reward the life which God has promised to those who love him.

It is important to remain faithful, even when we may not be seeing the dramatic results we want, and the timing that we want. Two years was a long time. But there was nothing I could do to accelerate the process. I just had to stay with it. I was confident that the change, the transformation, would eventually happen. Philippians 1:6 reminds us of that.

Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (NIV)

Jesus wants to complete through us and in us what he started. So, don’t be discouraged if you have endured something for years. Keep your focus on what Jesus has said he will do. And stay with it.

Amazed by His Love,

Terence

What Should You Keep

This is the second year in a row we have had fires in Colorado Springs. Over 350 homes were lost last year and nearly 500 homes were lost this year. The fires last year were on the west side of the city, far from where we live. But this year, the fires were in Black Forest near our neighborhood. They were close enough that our neighborhood was evacuated out of safety in case the fire continued to move in our direction. You never know how much warning you might have when a natural disaster is imminent. Some people have no warning. Others might have minutes or hours. The question is what to try and save when you don’t know if your house will be there when you come back. I think all of us have heard to make sure you take photos, important papers, and any possessions that are not replaceable. In today’s electronic environment, it is often our computers that hold photos and important papers. So it is not unusual to see people taking laptops, desktops, and hard drives as they evacuate their home. In this fire, we heard of people who only had seconds to evacuate and left with only the clothes they were wearing. And many of these people lost everything. It made me think of what is really important. And it was also interesting to see what was important from an adult’s perspective and a child’s perspective. Our little Zachary packed up the things that fill his life every day: Legos, some dress up costumes (one was a fireman’s costume), and a few books. All of those are obviously replaceable, but those are the things he decided he wanted to make sure were with him. During this week of the Black Forest fire, it made me think of what could I live without. Many people have no choice. They lost everything and will have to rebuild from scratch. I think the two most important things begin with F’s: Family and Faith. We all want our family to be with us on the other side of a natural disaster. And we can be content knowing that the one true God is always there, even if we have lost everything. I think of the Apostle Paul in Philippians 4:11 when he shares what it means to be content. The Message version says it well:

I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.

I love that last line: I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. We can lose all of our possessions but still be quite full in Jesus Christ who really saves us. That is what we should keep.

Amazed by His Love,

Terence

Be Thankful

Today is my two year birthday from transplant. It’s not my real birthday, but it is a day that I am constantly reminded of by doctors and nurses. And the two year baby shots that I have to receive is another big reminder, in one way, that I am only two years old. However old I am, one thing I do know for sure is I am very thankful for the two years I have had. My blood counts are normal and the highest levels since before leukemia. Without transplant, I would not have had these additional years. More time to spend with my beautiful bride, walk Jennifer down the aisle, see Brian graduate from the Air Force Academy, and more years to play with Zachary. I thank God for the healing I received through transplant. While thinking about this, I was reading in Luke 17 about Jesus healing ten men with leprosy. All ten men were healed and experienced an incredible transformation from leprosy to clean skin. But it is verses 15 and 16 that grabbed my attention: One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan. Jesus goes on in verses 17-19: Jesus asked, “Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? Has no one returned to give praise to God except this foreigner?”  Then he said to him, “Rise and go; your faith has made you well.” This story has always amazed me, and even more now that I experienced my own healing. I always wondered what happened to the other nine. Did they just carry on with life not spending another moment thinking about what happened to them? Did they tell anyone else what had happened to them and give the glory to God? I would not want to be those nine guys who stood in front of Jesus at the gates of Heaven. I can maybe imagine what that conversation was like. I want to be like the one who returned. The one who fell at Jesus’ feet and gave thanks. He was the one who was really restored. The one who fully experienced all that Jesus had to offer. In addition to healing, this man experienced salvation. Jesus says “your faith has made you well.” In other translations it really means “your faith has saved you.” This man experienced healing and salvation. How much better can it get? I never want to take for granted what Jesus has done for me. I want to be the one …the one who is thankful.

Amazed by His Love,

Terence