Joy to the World

I recently heard a podcast on Christmas and the traditional songs we sing at church during this season. On the podcast, the author suggested we can often sing these songs without really digging deep into the words. Many of these songs were written by the great hymn writers of 200 years ago, or even much longer. The words are powerful, but I often sing them without really taking in the deep meaning. So, I decided to do that with one of my favorite songs of Christmas, “Joy to the World.”

In my research, I found that this hymn was written exactly 300 years ago (in 1719) by Issac Watts. I also discovered that Watts based most of the song on Psalm 98, especially verses 4-9:

Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth, burst into jubilant song with music; make music to the Lord with the harp, with the harp and the sound of singing, with trumpets and the blast of the ram’s horn—shout for joy before the Lord, the King. Let the sea resound, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it. Let the rivers clap their hands, let the mountains sing together for joy; let them sing before the Lord, for he comes to judge the earth. He will judge the world in righteousness and the peoples with equity.

I am sure you know the song, or can look up all the lyrics. These lines were the ones that resonated with me as I read through them:

Joy to the world! the Lord is come;

And heaven and nature sing,

Repeat the sounding joy

The glories of His righteousness,

And wonders of His love

On the morning I was doing this research on this song, this is how the sunrise looked from our backyard. That beautiful sunrise seemed to proclaim, Joy to the world. It was as if Heaven and Nature were singing. It also seemed to proclaim, And wonders of His love. Seeing a sunrise like that has so much wonder to it. And it seems to bring Heaven and nature together.

I enjoyed the process of digging into one of the great hymns of Christmas. And in doing that, saw the beauty of God’s message of bringing Joy to the World in a picture-perfect sunrise. And then thought of these words from Psalm 30:5: Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning. That is what I saw in this sunrise… Joy came in the morning.

I encourage you to look up the history behind one of your favorite hymns of the Christmas season. Dig into the deep meaning of each line. And do it in a place of beauty. It may just warm your heart and give you new insight into the song you have not seen before.


Amazed by His Love,

Terence

What Do You Do With Zero Chance?

What do you do with zero chance? What do you do with impossible odds, when everything is against you winning, when it is just easier to accept your reality? That’s where I was four years ago today. An unknown brain tumor, a 9-hour surgery to remove it, and weeks in the hospital to recover. Doctors believed the original scan showed a meningioma—a tumor that forms on membranes that cover the brain just inside the skull. And most meningiomas are benign (not cancerous). A few days after surgery, while recovering in ICU, my neurosurgeon walked in. That was not unusual to see him. What was unusual were the doctors who were with him—my Leukemia doctor and a few other specialists I didn’t recognize. I knew something wasn’t right for my Leukemia doctor to be there. My neurosurgeon began, “Mr. Andre, we got the results back from the biopsy of the tumor. In the tumor we found Leukemia cells—the same Leukemia type that you have had previously. We will be transferring you to the blood cancer unit—the same unit you were in for stem cell transplant in 2011.” At that moment, my world dropped. How could Leukemia come back after having a stem cell transplant in 2011? My Leukemia doctor would later explain that he theorized a few cells hid away during transplant and radiation in 2011, crossed the blood-brain barrier into my spinal fluid, and created the tumor that likely took years to develop between 2011 and 2015.

Once I was transferred to the blood cancer unit, my Leukemia doctor returned with a few other specialists—a neuro oncologist and radiation specialist. My Leukemia doctor went on to explain to me the seriousness of this tumor. Leukemia is a blood cancer. When it returns in the form of a solid tumor it is bad news. And when it returns as a solid tumor, in the brain, that is catastrophic news. Only 5-6 cases are reported in the world each year, and none of them turn out well, he explained. There is no standard protocol for it. I remember the next conversation he had with me. He said, “We have researched possible treatments for this and found a journal article out of China that provides an approach we may follow. It is a ‘shoot the moon’ approach and we don’t know if it will work for you. It will involve 12 treatments of radiation to your brain and chemo inserted into your spinal fluid. The odds are against you surviving long term as these types of tumors typically re-occur very quickly and there is nothing we can do if that happens.” He never said these words, but I could tell that he was giving me “zero chance” to survive. It could not get any darker than it was at that moment for me, and for my family.

What do you do with that? What do you do with anything where the odds are against you, where the chance of success is so small you wonder if it is even worth trying? The reality is you have two options: (1) Give up and accept defeat, or (2) Believe God can come through, despite the odds against you. Where would we be if these people would have given up because of the odds against them: Albert Einstein (didn’t speak for first three years of his life), Benjamin Franklin (parents could only afford to keep him in school until his tenth birthday), Stephen King (his first novel was rejected 30 times), and Thomas Edison (failed at least 1,000 times before creating the light bulb).

I love how Jesus handles “zero chance” situations:

Jesus looked hard at them and said, “No chance at all if you think you can pull it off yourself. Every chance in the world if you trust God to do it.” (Matthew 19:26, Message version)

What are you up against? Does it look impossible? Are you willing to trust God and to keep moving forward, despite the odds against you? That’s how you give yourself the chance to experience great victories.

Amazed by His Love,

Terence

3285 for the Better

9 years ago on this date, we got a call that changed our lives for the worse…and for the better. “Mr. Andre, we don’t make these calls unless we see something serious in your bone marrow biopsy. You have Acute Myeloid Leukemia and will need to check into the hospital tomorrow. Plan on being there for about a month.” Our world dropped in front of our eyes. In an instant, all of our future plans were called off.

What is 3285? That is 9 years x 365 days. None of those days were promised. And it would get worse, and better, and worse, and better. A relapse a year later requiring a bone marrow transplant. Another relapse 4 years after transplant—Leukemia returning in the form of a solid tumor in the brain. A “shoot the moon” treatment plan. ICU. 160 total nights in the hospital over that period. 45 blood transfusions. 55 platelet transfusions. 

Everything looked dim. But it didn’t stay dim. I was never promised 3285 days, but that is what I have. Every one of those days is a bonus, never promised. It was the worst. There were times I hated it. And times when I wanted to give up. It was extremely hard on my family to watch me suffer. What is the better? I walked my daughter (Jennifer) down the aisle to see her get married. I watched my oldest son (Brian) walk across the stage at the Air Force Academy and shake the Vice President’s hand, and also get married. My youngest son (Zachary, 3 at the time) is now 12. And I now get to see three new humans who Debbie and I call our grandchildren (smile). This recent picture of our family—it was never promised I would see that. It looked dim. But it is here. 

Can there be “better” that comes out of pain? 2 Corinthians 1: 8-10 tells us there can be. I love how The Message Version puts it:

We don’t want you in the dark, friends, about how hard it was when all this came down on us in Asia province. It was so bad we didn’t think we were going to make it. We felt like we’d been sent to death row, that it was all over for us. As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally—not a bad idea since he’s the God who raises the dead! And he did it, rescued us from certain doom. And he’ll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing.

God has rescued me from certain death. In the valley of the shadow of death, I received the gift of Jesus. It has been for the worse, and it has been for the better. 

The gift of better: When you focus on what you have vs. what you don’t have, you are blessed with a generous spirit of gratitude. I’m grateful to be alive. To have had 3285 days that were never promised. I’m alive—I’m not disabled. I work at an amazing company (TiER1 Performance Solutions) who has supported me every step of the journey. Every day has been a BONUS…for the better. 

Nobody Comes Back

A few weeks ago, I went back to Penrose Hospital where I spent a total of 100 nights in 2010 and 2011.  I wasn’t going back because I was sick (Praise God). I was going back to drop off a copy of my story, Amazed by His Love. I wasn’t sure who I would find there on the 11th floor of Penrose. It had been almost 8 years since I was last treated for leukemia there. My primary nurse back then was Carolyn and I was hoping she was still around. I asked at the front desk if Nurse Carolyn was still there. The assistant at the desk smiled and said, “Yes, she is still here. She is now the Charge Nurse here on the 11th floor. And she is here today. I’ll go get her.” 

A few minutes later, Carolyn came up to the front desk to meet me. She recognized me right away and we started recounting the memories of my various stays there on the 11th floor of Penrose. I was amazed at how much she remembered about me and Debbie. She asked why I was there that day. I told Carolyn that I wrote a book on my journey through leukemia and wanted to leave a copy for her. I signed it and handed her a copy of the book, and also expressed my thanks to her and her staff for the great care they gave me back in 2010 and 2011. She couldn’t believe I had written a book on my story and that my stay at Penrose was a significant part of the story. In fact, the cover of the book is a silhouette of me in front of one of the windows in a room on the 11th floor, looking out at Pikes Peak. She was so grateful to hear that I was doing well and that I had given her a copy of the book. At that time, I only had one copy of the book with me. I was going to make some minor changes to one of the chapters (with Kindle Direct Publishing from Amazon, it’s easy to make changes, upload a new version, and that version is what will be printed next when someone orders. All part of the “print on demand” publishing style these days). 

I felt bad that I only had one copy. I told Carolyn that I was making some edits and that I would have some more copies in a couple of weeks. And I told her that I would bring a few more copies for other nurses who were still there. She was happy to hear that. 

I did make those edits, ordered some more copies, and a couple weeks later went back to Penrose. I had Carolyn’s contact information and arranged to meet her again there on the 11th floor. Carolyn was at the front desk when I came off the elevator. I handed her a couple more copies. And then she shared an emotional story with me. She said that they have a staff meeting each week and each person takes their turn at giving a reflection. Penrose is a Catholic Hospital and a spiritual component is a significant part of their service and care for patients. Carolyn shared that the week before was her turn to lead the reflection. She brought in the copy of my book and also her iPad. At the beginning of the staff meeting, she played Jared Anderson’s song, Amazed. And then she read Jared’s story behind that song which is written as the Afterword at the back of the book. She finished with recounting the memories of my stay at Penrose and that I had written this book, with the Penrose view on the front cover. Carolyn then looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, “the room was filled with emotion and deep appreciation for the song and the story.” Then Carolyn said something I will never forget. She said, “nobody comes back.” I was taken back by that statement and asked her what she meant. She went on to explain that the 11th floor is the Oncology floor and there are a lot of critically ill patients there. Many people don’t make it. And if they do make it, they don’t want to come back. They don’t want to come back to a place where they experienced chemo and pain. Carolyn then told me that to have someone come back, and to come back with a story of their journey, meant so much to the medical staff there at Penrose. They were deeply impacted by it. 

In that moment of talking with Carolyn, I realized how much these health care workers selflessly provide their life-giving skills every day, often without much thanks from the patient or family members. In fact, they probably hear more complaints than they do of thanks. And I could see the deep impact it made by just saying encouraging words like, “Thank you. I appreciate the care you gave to me. Your talents and skills are valued.” No, you don’t have to write a book to make this kind of impact (smile). It can be done in very small ways. Just saying thank you. Even returning at a later point to shake their hand or give them a hug. Dropping off a card of thanks for the nurses. Or even flowers/chocolates. You can’t imagine what this kind of encouragement and thanks will mean to the medical team. If you or a loved one has been served well by health care providers, try this out and you will experience the overwhelming sense of gratitude they respond with. Be the someone who does come back…to say thank you. 

Amazed by His Love,

Terence

Work Saved My Life

Work saved your life? Really? I am here to say it really did and I can share my story on how I reached that conclusion.

I battled leukemia in 2010 (original diagnosis) and 2011 (relapse and bone marrow transplant). Then, in 2015, leukemia returned in the form of a solid tumor in the brain—the size of an orange. I went through a long, 9-hour surgery to remove the tumor followed by several treatments of chemo and radiation to ensure all of the tumor was gone. My life was saved, but I was left physically, mentally, and emotionally weak. I slept most of the day and any physical activity (e.g., walking up 5 or 6 stairs) wiped me out.

The recovery was long and difficult. It took at least 3 months before I felt any energy to work. But I wanted to work. I had a drive to get back to work. But I knew I had limitations. I wondered if I could do my job as Chief Scientist at TiER1 Performance Solutions—a very brain intensive job. And I had a decision to make: Should I take long-term disability and forget about trying to work?

I struggled with that decision. I had a drive to get back to work, but I knew that I would not be able to just turn it back on and be at my former level of productivity and contribution. The easy choice was to just take the long-term disability and stay in bed, to rest. But this thought hit me: What would I do all day? I would not be creating value. I would not have a purpose. I would not be coaching and leading a team. I would not be learning. In my heart I could feel this thought: If you take long-term disability, you are probably not going to live. I don’t know where that came from, but it was the most present thought I had. And I knew it to be true. I couldn’t take long-term disability, even though that sounded like a gift. I had to find a way to get back to work. And so, I started on that path, working at a slow pace and building up to full-time over several months.

It is now 3 years later and I’ve seen the wonderful benefits of fighting to get back to work. There are some cognitive limitations (e.g., short-term memory loss) due to the surgery and radiation treatments, but I (and my wife) probably notice that the most. Those limitations may not be as obvious to others who don’t see me on a daily basis. And I’ve been able to “win” at work—leading a research team who continues to grow and do significant and meaningful work for the federal government.

I’ve had several follow-up appointments with my neurosurgeon over the past 3 years. During a recent appointment, he paused, looked at me with caring eyes, and said this: “Work saved your life.” I asked him what he meant by that. He explained to me that the damage to my brain from surgery and radiation is similar to the damage to a muscle. It needs to be exercised in order to heal and reconstruct new pathways. He told me that lying in bed—doing nothing, not thinking, having no purpose—would slowly starve my brain of the needed ingredients to heal. And then he said, “You likely would have died if you had made that choice.”

We know this. God designed humanity to work from the beginning. We work because our Creator works, and we’re made in his image, to reflect him. Genesis 2:15 tells us that “The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.” Work is a gift from God, not a curse. I love what the Holman Bible Dictionary says about work: “God has infused the act of work with meaning and divine significance, enjoining upon humans an obligation to engage in work even as God works.” 

Ecclesiastes reinforces that work has genuine value. “So I decided there is nothing better than to enjoy food and drink and to find satisfaction in work. Then I realized that these pleasures are from the hand of God.” (Ecclesiastes 2:24, NLT). And probably the most recognized scripture on work is from Colossians: “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” (Colossians 3:23-24, NIV). When we view our work as a gift from God and that our ultimate purpose is glorying Him in our work, we then find the most meaning in our work.

Meaningful work is really important. I’m glad I fought my way back. I’m grateful to be in a place where I can find meaningful work. It truly saved my life.

Amazed by His love,

Terence

Work and Rest

I’ve been on a 3-month sabbatical from work. It is the first time, outside of a hospital bed, that I have turned off work and focused on the four Rs of sabbatical: Rest, Recover, Reflect, and Refocus. I didn’t know how to rest. It’s not something you learn in school and you don’t see webinars advertising “Discover How to Rest.” So, one of the first things I did at the beginning of my sabbatical was to read a few books on Rest. I asked some friends and leaders who had been on a sabbatical to give their recommendations on books to read. One friend recommended a book titled, Buy a Cabin: The Theology and Practice of Rest. So, I ordered the book and it was the first one I read. I’m glad I did. And I found out that the author, Robert Franck, lived here in Colorado Springs. Through my friend, I reached out to Robert and we connected over a cup of coffee after I had already read the book. It was encouraging to put a face on this author who, from my perspective, nailed it in terms of describing the difference between work and rest.

Robert Franck begins his book by using the first occurrence of rest in the Bible – Genesis 2:2-3.

By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done. (Genesis 2:2-3, NIV)

Not only do these verses contain the first use of the word rest in the Bible, they also contain the first use of the word work. God worked and then he rested.

Franck defines work as “Activities that provide for your needs, your family’s needs, and the needs of others.” And he defines rest as “Activities that refresh you after your work.” Those definitions really helped me. I had a misconception about rest. The image is lying in a hammock and doing nothing. Now, that actually can be rest, but I discovered it is too narrow of a concept and certainly does not apply to everyone. Robert Franck brings in the example of Winston Churchill as one who knew how to rest well. Many regard Winston Churchill as one of the most productive workers in history and a great leader in a time of extreme stress in the World. One of the many books Churchill wrote is titled Painting as a Pastime. Churchill’s insight into rejuvenating rest is from his own words in this book:

Many remedies are suggested for the avoidance of worry and overstrain by persons who, over prolonged periods, have to bear exceptional responsibilities and discharge duties upon a very large scale. Some advise exercise, and others repose. Some counsel travel, and others, retreat. Some praise solitude, and other gaiety. No doubt all these may play their part according to individual temperament. But the element which is constant and common in all of them is Change. Change is the master key. 

Robert Franck describes Churchill’s daily routine consisting of three parts: writing in the morning, brick laying in the afternoon, and entertaining in the evening. Writing was his work—intensive brain work. As Franck explains in the book, to recover from the exertion of his work, Churchill required a change. The change for Churchill was mortaring bricks together—he mortared thousands of bricks into fences and retaining walls around his estate south of London. His brick rest did not distract from his word work and his brick rest provided the change that enabled his word work.

This change concept really transformed my thinking on rest. That is why exercise might be the appropriate form of rest for some and why repose (quietness/leisure) will be fitting for others, as Franck explains. For some, the newness and excitement of travel provides rest. For others, the calmness and quietness of retreat provides the needed rest. Read Franck’s book for more descriptions of Churchill’s pairs of opposites.

I took the concepts in Franck’s book and applied them the last three months. Knowing that my job as Chief Scientist at TiER1 is intensive “brain work”, I intentionally went after physical activities on our property in Colorado Springs, taking on home improvement projects and many outside tasks. And Debbie and I recently returned from a 2-week trip to Europe, where the change in scenery and routine provided the needed rest for us. I feel refreshed. It has allowed me to fully experience the four Rs of sabbatical.

If you want to dig into more of this concept of rest, I encourage you to pick up a copy of Frank’s book. You can find it on Amazon here

Amazed By His Love,

Terence

Trust God for the Outcome

At the beginning of the year I was listening to a podcast by John Eldredge called, “Give God Your Year.” You can listen to it here: https://www.ransomedheart.com/podcast/give-god-your-year. It’s about hearing what God’s “theme” is for your year. That kind of “listening prayer” can be done anytime, but it struck me that I had never been intentional in hearing God’s theme for me at the beginning of the year. I had never paused to ask what God had in mind for me for any given year. So, I took some intentional time in prayer to ask God about that, and to listen for specific themes/words. In a moment of just pausing, a moment of quietness, I felt the impression of these words: “Trust for the Outcome.” At first my reaction was something like—Really, that’s it? Just trust God for the outcome? And I felt the answer to those questions was, “Yes, just do your best, put it out there, and trust me.”

Feeling that this was a deep impression in my heart that I heard this from God, I decided to put those words on a note card and tape it to a shelf above my desk. I wanted a visual reminder of those words. Something right in front of me that would remind me of what I heard during the first week of January 2018. And so, I did. And that note card is still there today, reminding me of the theme for the year.

Even though the year is still not over, I have seen this theme come to life. It first came to light when Debbie and I received the news in late 2017 that our daughter and husband (Jennifer and Andrew) were pregnant with their third child. It was wonderful news—a miracle really—but also came with some risk. You see, earlier in 2017 Jennifer was diagnosed with a pituitary gland tumor and was told that more children would not be possible. Her pregnancy was considered high risk because of hormone issues with the pituitary gland. I could feel the heavy weight of worry on my part for Jennifer and Andrew, and the health of this new baby. So many unknowns and things that could go wrong. But I was quickly reminded of God’s theme for me at the beginning of the year, “Trust for the Outcome.” And that is what I did, feeling the confidence from God that everything was going to be ok. Just to rest in Him, and trust him for the outcome. And that trust led to a very healthy boy in August—William Scott Lee.

There was another part of my life where I felt challenged trusting God. It was in my own work as a research leader at the company I work for—TiER1 Performance Solutions. The research team at TiER1 puts together several proposals each year with the hope of winning funding from the federal government. The call for proposals comes out about 4 times a year. For each call, the team typically responds with 2-3 proposals. In February, our team saw 7 topics that we were interested in. That’s a big number for our small research team. It takes a lot of work just to put one proposal together. Multiply that by seven—it’s hundreds and hundreds of hours. And the competition is stiff. The average win rate for these research grants is one out of ten (10%). We all leaned into submitting for these seven different topics, knowing that we may only win one of these. Again, I felt my heart checked---just trust God for the outcome. I released my mind of anxiety and worry about these proposals and put them in God’s hands. The result: the team won five of the seven proposals! A 71% win rate! That’s unheard of with federal research grants. Every company applying for these grants is very good and the evaluation teams are very selective. In the process, I learned that I don’t need to try and control everything. I can hand over my dreams, ambitions, and worries to God and trust Him for the outcome. It’s not easy to do—I typically lean in the direction of trying to control everything myself and “make things happen.” But, I have found rest in giving the desire or worry to God and just trusting for the outcome.

  

Amazed by His Love,

Terence